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Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?
I have a "honk if you think I`m sexy" bumper sticker on my truck so that way on the way to work, if I`m not feeling to excited to be there, I sit at a green light until I feel better.
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.