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When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
I just found out that a bucket of KFC when you`re finished with it, also doubles as a porta-potty...
I bet blind people think farts are funnier than deaf people.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.