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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
pumpkin for sale, slightly used
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
I’m thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!