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Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
A true man is one who leaves his wife alone in cold weather and goes to watch football.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
You know it`s time to get a girlfriend when you masturbate in different positions
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich