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Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
If at first you don`t succeed ... I just lie and say I did.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
I don`t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He`s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here
Make a random stranger`s day by walking up to them and saying "This isn`t real. You have to wake up"
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.