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My wife is pissed at me again. Apparently I`m breathing wrong.
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
I have Beer.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
Guys, if she says she’s crazy, she’s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog