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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
These are not pizza stains on my shirt they are pizza memories, wonderful wonderful memories.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
Life is to short ... to waste time matching socks.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.