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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
Why do people say āI saw it with my own eyes.ā Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
I laid awake all night again worrying about why Iām always so tired.
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.