Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
I believe in looking out for number one. Especially if the dog is not house trained.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
You’d think my password was “yourmom” because my computer just told me it was too easy.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"