Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
Could you guys just scroll a little? I was really funny yesterday.
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
I like to walk around my house naked… Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
If I can’t act weird around you, I’m sorry we can’t be friends.
My mind has a mind of its own.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)