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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.