Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.