Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
I don’t approve of political jokes. I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.