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Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
My wife keeps leaving magazines lying around with the jewelry ads circled. I got the hint. For Valentine`s Day she’s getting a magazine rack
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
I say if you can`t come up with anything nice to say then post it on Facebook.
They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.