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Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Anybody else have that annoying problem of Work and Family interfering with your FaceBook time?
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.
The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.