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See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
Of course I’ll buy a polished rock made into a necklace. I’m on vacation, aren’t I?
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
Don’t jump to confusions.
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.