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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"