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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
WEB MD should have a simple answer like “Calm down-you probably just ate too many cookies!”
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
Oops, just bought vodka instead of milk again
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
When my dog sniffs another dog’s poop I can only assume that it’s their equivalent to checking a friend’s facebook page.