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I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
Leaving the house would be so much cooler if someone would yell “Aaaaand Action!” as I walk out the door.
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
My boss is having a colonoscopy today. I sure hope they find his head.
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
You know what makes sex awesome? Actually having it.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
Would I be in a porno for a million dollars? It depends. What kind of porn? Will my mom see it? Do I have to pay the million all at once?
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.