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"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
is battling with eyelids
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
Carfax but for people
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
U.S.A.... where people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well