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Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
As I get older my tastes are changing, for instance I used to not like brussels sprouts but now I don`t like people.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Iām the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Iād slap you but Iām pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?