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Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
It`s amazing how many pedestrians confuse right-of-way with immortality.
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.