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Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.