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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
I’ve been reading a lot about how to live and eat healthier and then not doing anything with that information.
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?