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2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
Woke up with my credit card lying on my keyboard. I can`t wait to see what drunk me bought sober me.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn’t even know I was driving.
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone