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I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole