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I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
I found out why I`m still single. Apparently, you have to go outside and let people see you.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
Own the day
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
“I’m going to be a little bit late” -people that are going to be very late
Dear Cashier, you should stop giving me attitude and acting like you`re job is so complicated and stressful....Self-Checkout has proven that pretty much Anyone can do your job.