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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
If your friends don`t make fun of you, they`re not really your friends.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.