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My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
I never thought I’d be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
Whenever someone ends their status with "LOL" I know it`s a repost, cuz...who the hell laughs at their own statuses? LMAO!
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she`s the one.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone