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I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
My talent is being wasted, if that counts as a talent.
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
10% of people genuinely care about your problems. The other 90% are glad that you’ve got them.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.