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I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
Is a rivalry between two vegetarians still called a beef?
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
You know the road is in bad shape when you drive to the grocery store and your fitbit registers 1,000 steps.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!