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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the a$$es of anyone else who does it.
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
No one thinks the screenshot of your text messages are as funny as you do. No one.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
I`m not the kind of guy to distance himself from anything... Far from it.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.