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Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.