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Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.