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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
That`s a horrible idea ... What time?
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
I swear I saw a guy earlier today that had no chin and all I could think about was, how does he put on pillow cases?
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music
You can`t be late until you show up
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day