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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
You win some, you lose some, and if you`re lucky, you get some.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
At least a stalker is there for you.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!