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It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
Sรถ รฎ hรจรฃrd รฟรดu lรฌkรช gรนรฟลก with รกcรงeรฑts?
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.
โIโm going to be a little bit lateโ -people that are going to be very late