Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
So a year ago today I asked a really beautiful friend out on a date and today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
I wish I had the kind of life my spam folder thinks I have!
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.