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I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
If you receive an e-mail that says: ``FREE JUSTIN BIEBER CONCERT TICKETS`` Don`t open it! It may contain free Justin Bieber concert tickets.
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.