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Remember the days when water was free and you had to pay for porn?
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
only 9530 days until retirement.
Crap, my Internet has been down for 4 days ...Probably because my neighbors moved 4 days ago.
White girls be like: I`ll have one triple mocha dark chocolate ugg boot raspberry white iphone 5 double caramel infinity sign frappe please.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.