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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
Thanks to Facebook, rock bottom now has a waiting list.
Felt like being Bad today, like an Outlaw Bad, felt like doing something illegal, so I ran through the house ripping off all the Mattress Tags..... Come and get me Coppers, but you won`t take me alive.......................
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
What would I give the woman who has everything? Well, my phone number for a start.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
According to my childhood, 1 out of 3 pigs are excellent builders.