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I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
cuss words = sentence enhancers
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.