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I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
Just because leggings stretch dont mean yo 465 pound a$$ should be in them!
My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?