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My wife started clipping coupons to help save money. She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800 purse.
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.