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Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
Why don`t they make Neapolitan ice cream but with 3 better flavors?
Have you noticed that the "lol" symbol looks like a drowning guy? i bet hes not laughing out loud
If I had a time machine, I`d just keep going back every 8-9 hours so I could sleep more.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.