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Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
Where is the button to restart summer?
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner