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The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
Is everything expensive or am I simply poor?
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver