Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was ugly, I`d be broke as hell because I`m a sexy beast!!
I don’t want to think I’m getting old or anything, but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
At this point I`m just waiting for summer to be cancelled completely.
Thanks for posting pics of what you had for dinner, the suspense was f*cking killing me.