Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion, the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
Why didn`t Spider-Man`s enemies just move to a city without skyscrapers?
After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks Iām not reading it.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
I`m never free but I`m available.
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so I don`t squish you guys.