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If Wonder Woman and Spiderman went into business together would they call it Amazon Web Services?
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
I just burned 1200 calories.I forgot the pizza in the oven.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
wants to rock and roll all night
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.