Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I only say "God bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?