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eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
I put the pro in inappropriate.
I know I`m in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
Marriage is for quitters
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
is having one of those days where they feels like lighting someones face on fire and then trying to put it out with a fork
I wish I could afford to have a drinking problem.
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
Eww!!! Beer does NOT taste good on Cocoa Puffs! ..I`m switching back to my Fruit Loops! ;)
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.