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You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
Offering someone food and secretly hoping they say no.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.