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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
I don’t go to bars for the same reason I don’t grocery shop when I’m hungry. I always come home with things I didn’t need.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?