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The Shining is my favorite movie about what can happen when you spend too much time with family.
This bulk box of peanuts I got from Costco tastes like styrofoam.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.