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Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver