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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
Twerking is just shaking your a$$? Why did we need a new word? A$$-shaking has served us well for centuries.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I`m totally flexible.
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
If you’re keeping score in your relationship, I promise you, you’re losing.