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If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
why me is me ?
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar