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Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
can´t seem to find love. but its okay. I know exactly where the beer is.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
Love is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
A guy had his whole left side torn off, the doctor said he`s all right.