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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.