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I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
Can you LIKE this status with your elbow? (no cheating)