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Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
How do you people have the time to hate a stranger on the internet?
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.