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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
Happy people don`t take long showers.
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.