Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
Drinking coffee in the afternoon is like eating the mushroom that makes you big in Super Mario.
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Welcome to WebMD. Type quickly, you don`t have long.
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don`t be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don`t show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...