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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Sex, do it for the kids.
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
i dont have drain bramage.