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“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
If you`re going take a bathroom picture, at least clean it off. I can`t see anything through all the toothpaste.
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.