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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.