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"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"