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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
Back in the day, Mom gave us two dinner choices. What she cooked or jack sh!t....