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Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
Sometimes I let the words in my mind come out of my mouth. And it feels awesome! B)
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship