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If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
Like if you really googled to see if that kid really died from masturbating
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.