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If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
Men think they have it bad, but they`re not the ones having to hold their boobs when they run.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
For all we know, half the birds are telling the other birds to shut up.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
I`m not feeling myself today..... Perhaps I should feel someone else.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...