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Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
We get it poets: things are like other things
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records.
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
How`d this get posted?
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.